This
is hilarious!!
You
can't do anything about the economy but you can about your attitude. So
here is some medicine to help you laugh about it. If you can not laugh
after reading story below you are in some serious crisis and I don't
believe you will make it through the next crisis.
A priest, a Pentecostal preacher and a Rabbi all served as chaplains to the students of the University of Alabama in Tuscaloosa.
They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.
They would get together two or three times a week for coffee and to talk shop.
One day, someone made the comment
that preaching to people isn't really all that hard. A real challenge
would be to preach to a bear.
One thing led to another and they
decided to do an experiment.
They would all go up to the Smokies, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.
They would all go up to the Smokies, find a bear, preach to it, and attempt to convert it.
--------------------------------
Seven days later, they're all together to discuss the experience.
Father Flannery, who has his arm in a sling, is on crutches, and has various bandages on his body and limbs, went first.
'Well,' he said, 'I went into the woods to find me a bear. And when I found him I began to read to him from the Catechism.
Well, that bear wanted nothing to do
with me and began to slap me around. So, I quickly grabbed my holy
water, sprinkled him and, Holy Mary Mother of God, he became as gentle
a lamb.
The bishop is coming out next week to give him first communion and confirmation.'
------------------------------------------
Reverend Billy Bob spoke next. He was in a wheelchair, with an arm and both legs in casts, and an IV drip.
In his best fire and brimstone
oratory he claimed, 'WELL brothers, you KNOW that WE don't sprinkle! I
went out and I FOUND me a bear.
And then I began to read to my bear
from God's HOLY WORD! But that bear wanted nothing to do with me.
So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrassle.
So I took HOLD of him and we began to wrassle.
We wrassled down one hill, UP
another and DOWN another until we came to a creek. So right quick-like,
I DUNKED him and BAPTIZED his hairy soul.
And just like you said, he became as gentle as a lamb. We spent the rest of the day praising Jesus.'
--------------------------------------------
They both looked down at the rabbi, who was lying in a hospital bed. He was in a body cast and traction with IV's and monitors running in and out of him.
He was in bad shape. The rabbi looks up and says, 'Looking back on it, circumcision may not have been the best way to start.'
UNDERWEAR
IS IMPORTANT!!
Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working
under your vehicle...From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this
story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to
have their car break down in the parking lot.
The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed
the car in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of
people near the car.
On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding fromunder the chassis.
Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned
Private parts into glaringly public ones.
Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward,
quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place.
On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found
herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by.
The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.
Always wear clean underwear in public, especially when working
under your vehicle...From the Northwest Florida Daily News comes this
story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to Wal-Mart, only to
have their car break down in the parking lot.
The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed
the car in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of
people near the car.
On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding fromunder the chassis.
Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned
Private parts into glaringly public ones.
Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward,
quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place.
On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found
herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by.
The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches in his forehead.
Check out the jokes at Christians Unite
TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
_____________
TEACHER: Cindy, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
CINDY: You told me to do it without using tables!
_____________
TEACHER: John, how do you spell "crocodile?"
JOHN: K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
JOHN: Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!
_____________
TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH: H I J K L M N O!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
______________
TEACHER: George, go to the map and find North America.
GEORGE: Here it is!
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America?
CLASS: George!
______________
TEACHER: Willie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WILLIE: Me!
______________
TEACHER: Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?
TOMMY: Well, I'm a lot closer to! the ground than you are.
______________
TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I."
ELLEN: I is...
TEACHER: No, Ellen..... Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
_____________
TEACHER: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"
JOHNNY: "Because George still had the ax in his hand."
______________
TEACHER: Now, Sam, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SAM: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
_______________
TEACHER: Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
DESMOND: No, teacher, it's the same dog!
______________
TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
PUPIL: A teacher.
______________
SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.
Do
you have a humorous
story or perhaps other one-liners to share?
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